I’m a curious, creative, serious-yet-playful person who navigates life with a mix of calm and anxiety. I’m a queer, gender blendy nerd and have always been drawn to championing underdogs.

 

My ancestry is Russian and Jewish, though I was raised without religion. While I’m not religious or drawn to organized religious practices, I consider myself deeply spiritual.

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I was born in Leningrad (now Saint Petersburg), Russia, in 1977. My mother and biological father divorced shortly after my birth, and she moved with me to so-called Israel in search of a better life. I’ve had little contact with my father since then—we’re essentially strangers. He’s a watercolor artist, and while our connection is tenuous, my father wound runs deep. 

 

I grew up in Calgary, Alberta, in a working-class immigrant family: my mother, stepfather, younger sister, and me. My stepfather entered our lives when I was a toddler in Israel. He sponsored our move to Canada when I was five, making me a two-time immigrant. Our relationship was complicated and marked by conflict, and his death when I was 16 was the first time I experienced a sense of liberation. My relationship with him left me with a very different, but equally impactful, father wound.

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My relationship with my mother is complex and ever-evolving. I love her deeply, but our bond has been fraught with intergenerational trauma. Therapy helped me move from an enmeshed dynamic to relating as two adult women. Slowly, messily, and with some heartbreaking limitations, we’ve been working on shifting some of the unhealthy dynamics of our relationship. ​​

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I became an aunt in 2016 and again in 2019, a role I cherish. Unfortunately, the pandemic has created distance between me and my niece and nephew due to my need to prioritize the health safety of my wife who is disabled. The isolation of continuing COVID precautions is real and difficult. I love and cherish the times I get to connect and play with my niece and nephew.

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In 2008, I married my best friend, Shea. She is a two-spirited Indigenous activist, musician, lyricist, and educator, and she inspires me to be a better person. Our relationship, like any, requires work, but it’s my (and her) first securely attached adult partnership—a profound source of healing and growth.

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I’ve been on a lifelong journey of unlearning and decolonizing my mind. This process, which began in my mid-20s, is both challenging and liberating. With age, I’ve grown more radical in my anti-colonial worldview. I share some reflections and learnings on my Instagram.

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Growing up as a white immigrant in so-called Canada has meant peeling back layers of identity, privilege, and complicity in the colonial genocide of Indigenous peoples of this land. I firmly believe that solutions to the devastations of colonization and its current economic slavery system of capitalism must center Indigenous voices of the land we occupy. I've also come to learn that guilt won’t help—action and accompliceship will.

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Some of my favorite things: camping, campfires, swimming, hammocks, birds, dogs, sloths, buffets, and so-called "reality TV" shows like Married at First Sight, Love is Blind and Sister Wives. I’ve also been loving improv classes, which have been a delightful and surprisingly therapeutic outlet of creativity and play.

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As a therapist, I believe in showing up as a human being first. Sharing aspects of my life can build intimacy and trust, though I always approach this with intention, using the “therapeutic use of self” framework. Therapy isn’t about me—it’s about the client. But I also believe that mutual authenticity can strengthen the therapeutic relationship, which is key to successful outcomes.

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Each person I work with is SO different, which I think is absolutely delightful, remarkable and truly magical. Our differences are our superpower, it is what makes us unique rather than bland carbon copies of eachother.

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I think therapists need to be actively and intentionally working on our own mental, emotional and spiritual growth in order to most effectively serve our clients. I also think we need to take breaks, which I do in between my own therapy because there is actual LIFE to be lived and learned from in between intentional personal growth endeavors.

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The work I do with clients feels sacred. Supporting and witnessing their growth journeys is a privilege. At its core, I believe therapy is a practice of love—defined beautifully by bell hooks as “a combination of care, knowledge, responsibility, respect, trust, and commitment.​​"